dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
