I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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