I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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