so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
