I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
