Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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