I puked a lego.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize