that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
