She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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