that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
