If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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