Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
