you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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