Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
