covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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