I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
