I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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