So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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