one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
