Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
