my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
