my mouth tastes like poor choices
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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