so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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