it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
