I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
