Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
