How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
