i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
