I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
