my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
