I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
