Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
