My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
