Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
