Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
