Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
