I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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