I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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