Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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