After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
