Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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