if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
