I have demons in me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize