This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
