I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
