OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
