Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
