I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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