I just cut my nipple shaving
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
