I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize