i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
