no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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