i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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