im about as happy as oj after his trial
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize