had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
