it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
