Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
