Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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