life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
