Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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