...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
