do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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