you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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