Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
time to smoke my breakfast
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
