you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
