she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
