I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Randomize
