Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
40s are totally the cure
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
