The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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