ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
