Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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