Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
