I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
