I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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