I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
