when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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