Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
