end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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