Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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