i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
