I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
