I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
