i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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