my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize