And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
