His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
