so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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