I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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