I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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