I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
