I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
