people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
