She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize