I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize