No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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