Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
