forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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